The-Reel-McCoy -- Batman And Robin

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Batman and Robin You know, this one should have been called "And Batgirl Too", and "Batman Forever" should have sported this latest title.

	Rated: PG-13
	on this movie
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This movie had a lot going for it: familiar characters (namely, Batman and Robin), somewhat familiar characters (Poison Ivy, Dr. Freeze, and Batgirl), famous actors (Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, and Chris O'Donell), famous actresses (Uma Thurman and Alicia Silverstone), and supermodels who might someday be movie stars as well (Elle Macpherson and Vendela Thommessen). So right there, going in, I was thinking of giving this movie five stars (my highest possible). Unfortunately, what I have already listed is all that this movie has; nothing more.

Strike One: the script. I haven't heard cornier dialogue since Twister. No, strike that. I have never heard cornier dialogue, and I have never seen such a corny and stupid plot. Penalty for corniness: one star. The script also made a few other huge mistakes. For instance, there were no normal people in the entire movie (except for maybe Julie Madison, played my Elle Macpherson, but she had maybe two lines). The first Batman had Vicky Vale and various citizens of Gotham City who could very well be one of us. This movie consisted entirely of freaks. Penalty for nothing but freaks: one-half star. And one more thing that this script failed at: I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF "POISON" YOU MAY BE ON, BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO BE THINKING OF UMA THURMAN WHEN STARING AT ELLE MACPHERSON, ESPECIALLY BATMAN. Penalty for falsely hinting that Uma is better than Elle: one-half star.
The movie in general does poorly as well. The action in this movie was extremely confusing and sloppy. Penalty for poor action sequences: one-half star. In addition, the first two movies (marvelously done my Tim Burton who has been booted by Warner Bros.) showcased Batman's "toys". Batman was constantly talking to his car and when a new gadget was used, it was introduced in such a way that the audience could say to themselves, "Cool." In Batman and Robin, not only is the action rushed and awkward and sometimes lacking, but so is the display of these fine heroic gadgets. Penalty for not making Batman's toys seem really cool: one-half star.
Strike two: George Clooney, the worst Batman yet. Batman may be calm and collected, but he should not be completely devoid of emotion. He should at least give us some clue as to what he is thinking and/or feeling. And finally, Batman should act like a hero (not some guy dressed up in a suit and along for the ride). Penalty for George: one-half star.
Strike three: Bane. What in the heck was that? I have never seen anything so fake since those old plastic Halloween costumes that resembled giant bibs with plastic masks that covered your face and had an elastic band around the back of your head and had a small rectangle cut out of the mouth so that you could stick your tongue out of it and get a big laugh. Bane, as featured in Batman and Robin looks even worse by resembling a man in a balloon suit. Penalty for Bane: one-half star.
On the plus side, Arnold Shwarzenegger was not only the best on the action side, but he was surprisingly the best on the acting side as well. Extra credit for Arnold: one-half star. Another quite impressive feature of the movie was the display of beautiful women, namely Elle Macpherson, Alicia Silverstone, and Vendela Thommesson. Extra credit for beautiful women: one-half star.
End result: 2 stars out of 5 (that's 4 out of 10 or 40 out of 100 or 40% for those of you who prefer such decimal statistic pleasure).
See this movie for Arnold and the beautiful women.
On the other hand (Ha! Ha! Get it?), skip this movie for all of the penalties mentioned above.